EPISODE 5 — ASKING FOR HELP

0:00 Chapter five Asking for Help I can't believe I'm paying someone to call me out, I complained. There I was, the owner of three salons, a businesswoman, an employer of twenty staff, and I was being put in my place. This is called accountability caller, my business coach replied and very straight to the point. Ugh, I really don't want to do this, I grumbled. But I trusted her, so I opened my laptop and I got on with all the tasks that I've been avoiding. And it's been like that for the past ten years.

0:39 One thing you have to know is that no matter how successful you become, you cannot do it on your own. When you start your business journey, you go to college, you learn all about the body, about risk assessments, health and safety, how to look after your clients, the full anotomy and physiology of the body. And after three years of hard work, you have all the skills you need to perform exceptional beauty treatments, but how do you manage self-doubt and imposter syndrome? How will you choose between being self-employed or starting a business?

1:19 Who do you talk to when you worry you aren't being a good employer or that your team isn't performing the way you want it to? The beauty industry is a world that's extremely challenging and none of that is taught. So you need people around you who can help. I got to a stage where I was managing three salons and 20 staff, and I had two small children at home. On the outside, I might have looked like I had it all together. But inside I was lost. I was doing everything that I thought I should be doing to be a successful entrepreneur.

1:58 But every day I got a little bit more lost. I didn't have the skills or understanding that I needed to get the results I wanted. I was overwhelmed and I didn't know which way to turn. I got to the point where I was so fearful and out of my comfort zone that I was exhausted and constantly living in fear. I felt like I was doing everything blind. Hand on heart, if you keep running on that hamster wheel and doing the same things over and over again, expecting a different result. As Einstein once said, that is the definition of insanity.

2:42 And that was me. I get why people do it. There was so much more that I needed to learn, but I was afraid of asking the stupid questions. Business is a very cutthroat environment, and I found it difficult to trust people and admit that I was struggling. My mum had a really good friend who was high up in AHR. She had a business degree and a psychology background and had all this experience managing people. We'd met a couple of times at social events, and every time we would talk about business, and she would ask me the kind of questions that made me think about the things I wasn't doing.

3:23 She was a business coach and could see that I was struggling in business. I was hiding behind a big smile, but was suffering emotionally inside and she knew it. She reached out and said, if you ever need anything or any help with business, this is what I do. But I had this belief that people should lead by example, walk the walk. So I couldn't understand how someone who wasn't a beauty therapist could understand what I was going through. This mindset made it harder for me to find people within the beauty industry that I could trust with my problems.

4:02 But I needed help and I trusted her, so I agreed. And it was the best decision I ever made. I felt like I actually got jackpot when I met this woman. She became my business coach and my confidant, my right-hand wingwoman. Asking for help was like meeting my guardian angel. Think outside the beauty box. People think that being a CEO of a company or a small business is just telling people what to do. And sitting behind a desk reaping all the financial rewards, that is so far from the truth. It's unbelievable.

4:41 We wear so many hats, and not all of them fit naturally. Some of them don't even fit at all. And that's okay to find someone who can do it better than you to help. When I started working with my business coach, who also became my life coach, she soon started working with me on the things that I needed to do to run a successful business. Having that outside perspective taught me so many things about myself and about the type of beauty therapist and business owner I wanted to be. Firstly, I realized that my brain works very fast, making decisions instinctively without thinking things through, and I'm a very emotional person too.

5:30 It's a strength, but it can also be a weakness in business. I very much care about people's opinions and making everyone feel comfortable. It's something that I'm proud of, and it's what I've built my business on. But sometimes you actually have to make decisions based on facts and take the time to think things through. This was an insight that could have only come from an outside my world view. You cannot please everybody, no matter how much of a people pleaser you might be. The bottom line in business does matter, and you cannot make decisions that are always based on your emotions.

6:09 If you can work from a place of fact, I think you can get a lot more respect from the staff and the clients because they understand the reasons behind it, and they know it's not emotional or personal. This outside perspective has helped me structure my company and develop really crystal clear roles and responsibilities, systems and processes. I began thinking about my team as individuals and how I could help them in their careers. You can't assume that everyone thinks like you and has the same values and drivers as you.

6:48 Every single person in the world is unique. Your culture, age, ethos, values, just everything. One size doesn't fit all, and I had to work with my business coach to identify what it is that drove our team. Stopping to think about this outside perspective will allow you to see the roadblocks clearly and make changes before you get stuck. If not everyone thinks like you, then you need to make sure you're really clear on who you are as a company or a freelance beauty therapist so that you can build the business for you and attract the right clients for you.

7:34 I quickly realized I wasn't very clear, and my communication skills were really poor. I had to learn how to ask the open-ended questions so I could find out what people really thought. You'll soon meet people who value work-life balance. Some people value recognition and rewards, and some people will really value the team culture. When this happens, you'll have a lot of work to do on incorporating these things into your work. When I did this, it massively opened my eyes to make sure that I could accommodate everyone's needs.

8:14 I learned so much from working with a coach and asking the right questions in a coaching style that's inspired how we do our consultations with our clients. What we have in our heads is very different from what clients have in their heads. So being able to identify what they want out of the service is really, really important and it's a key element in your role as a beauty therapist. What does your client really want out of their treatment? Because sometimes it's not about the treatment, it's all about the journey.

8:50 Or you, how you make them feel. When a client comes in and says, I want my eyebrows doing, you have to consider what kind of style works well for them. And their idea of a glamour brow might not be the same idea as yours. Do they really want this service or do they just want to look like their friends? Why do they really want a glamour brow when a natural brow will make them look ten times better? We all leave school knowing maths, English and science, but we don't learn core skills like communication, human psychology, and empathy.

9:29 These are all essential skills that beauty therapists need in order to deliver effective results to give the best experience to the client. Questions for you. When you start as a beauty therapist, you need to identify who you are as a business. What do you represent? Why are you doing it? What kind of clients do you want to serve? When I learned this, I was like, oh my gosh, I've never even thought of them before. One thing I didn't understand about the coaching was they're not allowed to give you the answers.

10:03 It's all about asking the right questions to help you find the answers on your own. So here are some questions that she'd asked me that might help you too. What is your unique selling point? What do you want to be valued for in the beauty industry? What do you think makes a great beauty therapist? What are your own core values? What does success look like to you? Just take a moment to think about them questions and you'll find the answers. It's so important to be open-minded and to realise that you'll always have gaps in your knowledge.

10:42 My secret ways to learn. From a really young age, I learned that if finances are a problem, you have to find another way. I never had the finances to fund business growth. I was pretty much had to go and find out all the information the hard way. Time was my most valuable asset and I used it wisely to learn. After all, Google is free, and I spent a lot of time Googling how to do this or how to do that. If you see something or feel something and you don't understand it, then be curious and go and explore what it means.

11:17 Don't fear something just because you don't understand it. I have a real fear of words because there are so many fancy words out there. But using Google and pretending to be a dumb blonde got me everywhere because it gave me permission to not have all the answers. I learned so much by giving up my time too. When I first met my business coach, she knew I came from an underprivileged background. I might have been running three salons, but that didn't mean I could afford a coach. So I was really fortunate that she suggested that we did coaching in return for a year's worth of beauty treatments.

11:57 There is always a different way to solve a problem by exchanging skill sets with others. Every single client that you meet will have skills and knowledge in areas that you don't. So I would encourage you to just have an open conversation with them and learn from them. The clients will love it because they get to talk about themselves and who doesn't love talking about themselves? They get a relaxing beauty treatment and they get a creative connective conversation with someone who can teach you something new.

12:27 I call my clients my diamonds because they've supported me in so many ways that they're unaware of. Even though they've come to me for a service, I've met people in diverse jobs and industries. People that have trusted me enough to share their industry insights. And actually, when you do this, you'll find that all businesses are run at the same. They just have different goals, different objectives, different fields. Even running a school or a doctor's surgery is still a business. Even if the corporate world is on a much bigger scale, we all have the same certain policies and procedures.

13:09 We all have to meet targets and we all have to generate enough funds to be able to pay our overheads. Just by talking to your clients and being a listener, you will hear about other people's work and you'll find it reassuring. When I did this, I was like a sponge. This knowledge was free and it was coming from a valuable source. Knowledge really is powerful, but you've got to understand that action has to come with this as well. It's not enough to talk to people and learn. You have to action everything and you learn as well.

13:47 What's the point of having all this insight and knowledge if you're not going to do anything with it? Don't do it alone. I've had a coach now for 10 years, and you might think, why does Carla still need a coach? And I asked myself that question too. And the truth is that my business is more successful with her than without her. I see her once a month and we go through all the things I need clarity on. I used to battle with her because she would say things like I didn't agree with, and that's fine.

14:19 We never get into conflict during our sessions and discussions. We have a healthy discussion. And it was really fun to argue the different sides of things. There's no right or wrong answer, and there's no right or wrong review. For me, it's healthier to see my business and my life from different angles and to make sure that I don't get tunnel vision. Having that person to help me tackle those problems means that I don't have to face things alone. Being able to ask for help is probably one of the most courageous things that you can do.

14:54 We can get stuck in the way we do things, but we can change everything to have someone experience and that you can trust to say, what about this? Have you tried that? However, if you try and do everything yourself, well, you'll spend a really, really, really long time trying to figure everything out. If you can find someone that has walked the walk and understands certain points, it'll make your life so much easier. Build honest business connections and collaborations with the right people because there are so many people out there who can help you and you can help them too.

15:32 There's value in collaborating with people that have information and experience that you value. But do your research and find out what type of coach or mentor or confidant best suits your personality and find your main drivers in terms of what it is you're searching for. There are so many coaching programs on the market and they can talk you through step-by-step processes and give you the tools and resources that you need in order to develop. Obviously, if that's something that you don't want to explore, that's okay too.

16:08 I'm not saying that everyone needs a coach or an outside perspective, but I think you'll go further and find more success if you're open to more outside help. I know that not everyone is fortunate to have a business coach or a confidant, and this is why I'm writing this book and why I built the Confident Beauty Therapist programme. I want you to have everything I wish I'd had when I started. My beauty journey was so much harder because of my limiting beliefs and refusal to admit that I needed help.

16:41 If I had to relive my entire 20 years of business again, I really, really wish I would have had a coach or a mentor at the start. It would have saved me a lot of time and pain on the emotional roller coaster. I wouldn't have had to figure things out on my own, backwards, the wrong way around, and failed so many times. I would have had someone to tell me not to torture myself when I failed and that everything I was about to experience, the highs and the lows, were all normal. Core beauty tips. Number one, do your research.

17:18 There are so many business coaches out there. Find out what values they share, and obviously consider if you can afford it. If you can't, find online courses, create your own network of people in business, or find an accountability partner you can trust. Number two, action your learnings. Listen to people and learn. They can give you free knowledge and insights onto so many different things, and it's brilliant. But if you're not going to act on what they tell you, then you cannot expect things to change.

17:53 Number three, your clients are like diamonds. They are probably the most important people. They're the ones that help you pay your bills, put food on the table. So you've got to learn how to serve them to the highest level. I built relationships with a diverse range of clients regarding race, sexuality, gender, identity, and profession. I worked with nurses, doctors, lawyers, police, entrepreneurs, business people, and parents. When you build that relationship with them, that's when you can share advice, talk, and trade your expertise and advice with each other.

18:31 That's your support network. Number four, don't compare yourself to anyone. Everybody has a different starting point in their career. Some have financial backing, some people have more knowledge than others, some people have better connections. You'll never really know or understand what their story is and how they've started. So don't ever compare your business to someone else's. Everybody's foundations are very, very different. Everybody's financial outgoings are very, very different. And people's goals are very, very different.

19:11 Number five, keep improving your communication skills. It is a core skill along with psychology and empathy. But it's not something that we're trained in. If you keep getting better in these areas, you will become a beauty therapist. Your clients cannot live without.