EPISODE 7 — BALANCING THE FUTURE

0:00 Chapter 7, Balancing the Future. I read something recently that asked, Can women really have it all? I think that's a wrong question to be asking. Because it is so unique and personal to each situation. I've learned that yes, you can have it home, but it depends on what having it all actually is. And it depends on what having it all means at different stages of your life. What is it that you want when you're starting out? When you're having a family? When you're in retirement. When I was younger, I thought that having it all meant being rich with a successful business and understanding everything about it.

0:52 But having it all doesn't always mean financially rich and knowing all the answers. To some people, it could mean having more time wealth, health wealth, or just more freedom to make your own choices. After COVID, and at that time of reflection, I quickly realized that I had to change my goals and my idea of success if I wanted to be happy. Today I think having it all means having balance. And after COVID, it was the first time that I realized I'd never had any before. When I started out as a beauty therapist, I was on a mission, and the only way that I knew how to succeed was to do it all myself.

1:41 My thoughts were solely focused on being successful, knowing it all, and having it all and doing it all. When I got married, we decided that my husband would give up his career and look after our children so I could invest in mine. It was an incredibly important decision that we agreed on together, but it came with its consequences. I suffered so much with Mum Gil and I missed out on so much precious time with them. My mental health and my emotional health was affected. And I wasted a lot of time worrying, making mistakes, and just struggling.

2:19 Let me be clear, I don't regret any of those decisions. And it's brought me a lot of success. And that's why I'm in the position I am today. But I know now that I could have done it differently. Pure perfection. The salons that I run are called pure perfection. And I never really understood why I called them that. I just knew I wanted to create excellence and perfection for my clients with pure intentions. And I did. But perfection means different things to different people. And if you think about it, perfection doesn't really exist.

2:56 Seeing so many men and women suffer with low self-esteem and body image because they believe they have to be perfect makes me want to find and fight better ways to engage with our beauty ideals. We need to address and understand mental health and its relationship to the beauty and wellness industry. If we don't, our industry is going to split into very, very different directions. And I don't want my clients to feel that they all have to have a certain look or style to be accepted. And we educate our staff members to look for signs of anxious clients, depressed clients, even clients with eating disorders and clients with neurodiversity.

3:38 And that's something I'm really passionate about. I want to be really clear that I understand that the aesthetic industry has very, very clear goals and objectives. And they want to help people fix external problems that they're not happy with. I completely understand why they're doing that. But I do think we need to introduce a little bit of psychology and empathy into our work and find out why people are coming to us for beauty treatments. In our salons we believe about enhancing natural beauty and what you've got and just fine-tuning and grooming yourself.

4:14 The beauty industry has so many different avenues, and we only see what marketeers let us see. So go and explore what it is you really want out of your beauty career and the industry. Go and explore the things that you don't always see, or the parts of the industry that aren't so glam. Find that balance in your own understanding of beauty. Understanding your own values and where you sit in the market is really important because then you have a clearer message to your clients and they will know what to expect from you.

4:54 Identify what route you want to go down, but don't forget to explore the rules, procedures, the pros and the cons, the legalities and the qualifications that you'll need in order to ensure you are a fully educated and informed therapist. Really do your homework. Balance doesn't come easy, but it's worth working for. How to find balance.

5:30 Simplifying things and changing the way you work. Stepping back will help you see the wood on the trees. I knew things have gotten out of balance when I was tired constantly, I had memory loss, and I was suffering with anxiety. I didn't eat very well, I used alcohol to soothe me, and I spent money on things that were just not worth it. But I didn't listen to the signs, and it took a global pandemic to force me to change. But you don't have to do that. If you start seeing the signs, then listen, take a step back.

6:09 Firstly, write down your goals and values. Putting it down on paper just gives you a little bit more clarity on which direction you want to go in. Because we can all get easily distracted and influenced by all the shiny stuff and all the different opinions and the different people. And that's all okay, it happens. However, keeping your own mind clear on your own goals is the main thing. It's all about understanding what's important to you. Is it children? Is it family? Is it nice things? Is it travel?

6:48 When you do actually write it down, it's like, oh wow, I didn't actually realise that was important to me. And there is no wrong answers. Whether it's just like I want to be an award-winning nail tech, or I want to run my own salon, or I want to be a makeup artist that travels the world, or I want multiple businesses, or I want to bring a skincare brand out. There are so many different options in the beauty sector that there is enough room for everybody. So get clear on your goals and values. Once you know them, be really strict and stick to them.

7:28 It's all about discipline, boundaries, and respect. Because of what I call my divergent mindset, there was chaos in my head, and I had to develop a scheduled planner that worked for me. I needed something to help me manage my boundaries and help me change my mindset in different situations so I could do my best. So when I'm in my office, my mind is on work. When I'm at home, it's family time. When I'm in the salon with clients, I'm a beauty therapist. When I'm networking, I'm selling being an owner and manager.

8:07 I created boundaries and I'm really disciplined with them. I know that Monday is my admin day and accounts, and then once I've done I have a little me time. I have a PT session on a Tuesday morning and Tuesday afternoon I have to do stuff for the house. Wednesday is my business day with my coach, and on Thursdays and Saturdays I work with clients. And on Fridays I have another admin day. I have set clear structures so I do not overlap or change them. If I do, my wires get crossed and things start getting misunderstood.

8:43 I've tried all sorts of different methods and structures until I found one that worked. Find what works for you and keep trying until something really sticks. Find the mentors and educators that can help you reach your goals too. Remember, you don't have to do it all and know it all yourself. Finding someone who can help you will give you more of a balanced approach. All this information is free on the internet, you just have to look. Don't be frightened of getting in touch with people that can help you either.

9:19 There are a lot of free support networks out there, and yes, there is a cost attached, but it depends what you value. Do you want to buy a pair of Louis Bouton shoes or a handbag? Or do you want to invest in your education to get you to different stages of your career? Think about the bigger picture. Respect everyone's opinions and values, and you learn from those who have actually walked the walk and not talked the talk. I do have a dyslexic mindset, and I know how important words are, and I'm quite gullible.

9:55 So I do a lot of fact-finding and making sure that I understand the true meaning behind what people are saying. Don't just listen to what other people are saying, but look at what they're doing too. Actions speak louder than words, and if people aren't doing what they say, then that's a problem. This is where trust and authenticity comes into play. I know I probably would have felt so much happier putting myself into situations being my vulnerable, dizzy blonde self, than I would have been pretending to be someone that I'm not.

10:34 People accept you better when you're not hiding who you are. And if you do open up your vulnerabilities to people who have walked the walk, it's such a respectful educational experience. One last lesson. Everything that I'm telling you in this chapter and in this book, I've had to learn over the last 20 years. Some of it I've had to learn with my coach, some of it I read in books, and some of it I just realized for myself. If anyone had told me how much work actually went into running my business, I wouldn't have believed them.

11:14 I was so drawn to the external bling and external validation that I didn't imagine there could be so much more to doing this job. It's the iceberg theory, isn't it? All people see is the success, the tip of the iceberg. But people never see all the mistakes, the stress, the hard work that goes in and underneath. If you want to know more about the iceberg theory, I encourage you to go and Google it. It's why I've written this book and created the CBT programme. Because there's so much more to being confident and successful beauty therapists than people realise.

11:57 Part of what goes on underneath is understanding that everybody's journey starts from a different place. Think of it like being dealt a card in a card game. Someone might start as a two, some might start as a king, and some might start as a nine. Everybody starts at different points. And it's not just in terms of starting off wealthy or not, it's about knowledge, manners, values, education, culture, and ethnicity. There are so many diverse elements that create one person, and that means everyone's future journey will just be as diverse.

12:41 When you understand that, you know if you have been dealt a lower card than someone else, that's okay. It's not a reason to quit or a proof that you're not good enough. It just means that you have to find the knowledge to get you onto the next level. And if you're at a higher level, then maybe there are pieces of knowledge that you're missing in order to understand diverse backgrounds. You've just read this book and now you know that I was dealt with a lower card. But all that people see is a tip of the iceberg.

13:16 My salons, my awards, and my team. People don't see everything I've just told you in this book, and they don't see that it took me over 20 years. And I went from apprentice to nail specialist to brow specialist to facial specialist, then senior therapist, and then on to management positions. I had to learn all about accounting, employment law, and making marketing strategies. I had to learn about communication skills, how to identify strengths and weaknesses, and how to build a successful team. I had to learn how to be a leader, a marketeer, an area manager, a lecturer, and a trainer.

13:59 Now I'm becoming a mentor and a coach. But no one sees all of that when they look at me. They only see the end result. For anyone starting out in this industry, I want you to focus on what's personal and important to you and not what you think everyone else is doing or what you think success looks like. I think if you forget everything that you've just read, I want you to remember the iceberg theory. Just because everyone knows how to look beautiful and successful, it doesn't mean that they are.

14:35 If everybody understood the iceberg theory and remembered it, it would make people so much more caring and understanding and compassionate. It is a game changer. Core beauty tips. Number one, don't be so hard on yourself. If you're an apprentice, you're not going to be running a salon in six months. And if you're an ALTEC, you're not going to be winning awards within a year. It's about being realistic and remembering the context that you're in. Learn everything as well as you can. And then more, and then go on to the next goal.

15:16 If you choose to stay there or move in a different direction, that's fine. But don't expect growth if you're not prepared to put in the time in order to understand the next steps. Number two, identify your purpose and passion. You will find your profit. If you put your profit first, you will never find fulfillment. So make your purpose clear and set your goals and list your daily habits. Number three, have a good work ethic. People have to go to work to earn money. And I chose to work 12 hours a day, seven days a week, but that doesn't mean you should too.

15:57 It's about choice and understanding your own path and your own work ethic and sticking to your own business goals. The money will eventually come through success if you stick to your purpose and your wise and invest in growth opportunities and self-development. Number four, be yourself. Everybody looks different, everybody acts different. Everyone has a different starting point and ending point. You don't have to grow a huge career if you don't want to. You don't have to be a beauty therapist or a freelancer if you don't want to.

16:34 Only you get to decide. Number five, find the balance. And balance means different things to different people. Take a step back to understand yours. And when you find it, work on protecting and maintaining those boundaries so you can keep a balanced life.